Youre alive, always
Ill watch you, so
Blind
To the lighting
Caressing displays, you look
Disaffected
But not inside, youre just
Hiding under
Pleading
For whats unattainable
This feelings perpetual
Focused
On another, the insider
Because face it, Im the outsider
Watching
You
Loving you
Missing
You, but only because
Youre an insider and Im just
So
Fucking jealous
I Liked Her Better by xxvenit-anathemaxx, literature
Literature
I Liked Her Better
I liked her better when she didnt laugh. Even though the sound was so pretty. I liked her better when she laced her fingers with mine. Because when we werent touching it scared me. I liked her better when she had things to say. My brain just when blank when she was near me. I liked her better all smiling and mine. Though sometimes the feelings tore holes in my heart.
Maybe she liked the way I was never sure. Maybe she liked my silent promise not to go. Maybe she liked my smile and maybe she liked my hands on her chest. Maybe she liked the feel of me taking off her dress.
I liked her better when she was out of breath. But that me
Give me a minute.
They know itll be longer, but hes walking away, past the waxen grey expressions, the swollen black balloons. Hes silent beneath the eulogy, soft and distant words fashioned for strangers, falling on blind ears. He knows its all pretend because really, what is there to say? And even the too-light coffin, the box of mahogany and plastic, the bed of white velvet lining and the brass handles and opal inset design; even thats deception, empty and wasted. Itll rest deep below his feet soon, beside the corpse of a teenager and the yellowed bones of a disenchanted poet, unoccupied as
Shes the kind of girl that wakes up in the afternoon wearing the clothes she wore yesterday and doesnt bother to brush her hair, even though its Friday and she knows todays the day hell be home. She flips open her phone at the bus-stop and doesnt read his messages, just tells him miss you, be there soon, leaving out most of the vowels. Hes already there but doesnt tell her its been hours; hes been waiting for her to be in his arms, and that feeling he gets when she smiles.
Shes gorgeous and she knows it, letting herself in; knowing that when she bends down to pet the ball of f
Fingers lift to his mouth, cigarette caught by gentle lips and his eyes close for the seconds he wants to ignore. With the lights out, sunshine, red hot against his eyelids has left the room there anyway, the window, the table, the door. He still cant hear her breathe but feels her chest rise, her shoulders fall against his chest.
Frightened, he drops his arm to the couch as if the seconds had become a moment stretched too long; he looks. Taps the crumbling ash into a glass before it falls and hurts her. Burns her.
Lips pressed just slightly open by his thigh, her soft body follows. Ups and downs he lives to trace with hands, with eye
stranger
boy, youre all
shoulders
back pressed into the seat
jaw line
hard
and straight and
disappears, surrounded by
one
perfect
layer
curves under to touch
grace
covetyour throat
stranger
watch the show so
I cant see your
face
I want to know you
lose this tension
on you
chest tighter for
each way each strand
falls
stranger
I want to
curl fingers
curl
them into
your long red
real red
natural hair